Storytime with Tsubaki and Black Star
by Thunder25
Summary: Tsubaki and Black Star tell the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! Rated for language and Black Star's twisted version of the story.


**Disclaimer: Don't own Soul Eater. If I did, would I be here now? No? Didn't think so. And I also don't own Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  
**

**This very similar to Storytime with Liz and Patty. Same style of writing, same job occupation, different fairytale, different characters. For those of you who have not read that one yet, go do it. Please. So, it's an all-dialouge story, and Tsubaki and Black Star are working as storytellers at a middle school.  
**

**Here's the scoop, Tusbaki is normal font, and Black Star is in italics. They are telling the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. This ought to be interesting.**

* * *

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl-"

_"Yeah, though I bet she wasn't as pretty as you are. Hehe, did I say that out loud?"_

"..."_  
_

_"MOVING ON! This girl that I don't know the name was pretty and... Tsubaki? A little help here would be awesome... Hello? Tsubaki? You alive over there?_

"..."

_"Uhhhhhhhh... Guess I'm just gonna have to wing it here. Umm, she was pretty, and her name was... Tiffany... And she was walking in the woods because she was being chased by the Russian Mafia... And then... some guy tried to molest her... And then she was saved by some members of the Catholic Church... And I have no idea what I'm doing... Tsubaki, please help me... They all look really scary..."_

"BLACK STAR! Okay, before we get killed, her name was Snow White and she was about to be killed by a huntsmen on orders from her stepmother who happened to be the queen and she was jealous of Snow White's fairness. She was rescued by the huntsman because he didn't want to kill her, and she ran into a cottage in the woods, where there lived seven dwarfs-"

_"And their names were: High, Snorey, Pissy, Shameface, Gay, Sicky, and Cheater(1)-"_

"BLACK STAR! THOSE ARE NOT THEIR NAMES! AND THERE ARE CHILREN HERE, WATCH YOUR MOUTH! I'M SURE THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT KIND OF SHIT!"

_"Tsubaki!"_

"What? Did I say something?... Oh shit."

_"You know, I think that was the first time I've ever heard you cuss. I'M SO PROUD!"_

"Black Star? You can let go of me now... Choking... Not breathing..."

_"Hehe, sorry. Not cool. Oh shit, now I'm starting to sound like Soul. Not cool. Damn, I did it again! Anywho, these people only agreed to let Tiffany stay there because they wanted to fuc-"_

"NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN! Anyway, they were miners and they saw that she needed help so they let her stay. So long as she didn't open the door for anyone. Not even God himself."_  
_

_"Did someone say my name?"_

"No, now shut up. Now during this time, the queen found out that Tiff- I mean Snow White- was still alive, and she got really mad. So she poisoned an apple and brought it to the cottage in the woods."

_"Cottage in the woods? What are they, hillbillies?"_

"I'm not going to say anything to that. But she brought the apple there, and Snow White opened the door for the old woman the queen had disguised herself as. She got an apple, took a bite, and was soon passed out on the floor. The spell would only be broken by true love's first kiss, blah blah blah. The dwarfs went after the evil queen for obvious reasons and when the got her they-"

_"Put her in the public square in an iron cage to be mocked and spit on by the people! Then she escaped and killed everyone who was mean to her while she was in the cage, and they all died slow and painful deaths. Then she killed the dwarfs and ate their hearts!"_

"That is not what happened. The dwarfs killed the queen, but it took a few years for Snow White's curse to be broken, but when it was, she married the fellow and they lived happily ever after."

_"Until Tiffany caught the idiot cheating on her with one of the village girls. Then Tiff grabbed a shot gun and shot them both. She then lived the rest of her days alone and depressed."_

"That's it, no more reality TV for you. And quit whining, we have to get out of here before security gets here."

_"They called security? When?"_

"No matter of when they did, but they did, and unless you want to go to jail, I suggest we make a run for it."

_"OKAY!"_

"Black Star, was it really necessary to jump through the window? You're so lucky that we were only on the first floor."

_"Yes, yes we were. Now are you coming or not?"_

"Of course I am, if I left, who knows how many people would get maimed. And who would make sure that you actually got a meal every once in a while?"

_"Excellent point my dear."_

"..."

_"I said that out loud didn't I? Come on, let's go, the cops showed up to get us apparently."_

"..."

_"Tsubaki? Hello, anyone in there? Alright, fine, guess I'm going to have to carry you..."_

"BLACK STAR! You can put me down now! Thank you. Wait forget that, pick me up! They got the canine squad after us!"

_"YES WELL THEY DON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST THEIR GOD!"_

"PIPE DOWN AND KEEP RUNNING WILL YOU?"

"_Of course, anything for you my sweet."_

"..."

* * *

(1) The actual dwarfs names are Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Happy, and Doc. Black Star's names or basically just rude synonyms for these.

* * *

**So that was that. And I am sorry if I offended anybody with is, I didn't mean to. Sorry if they were OOC, that was my subconscious up to no good again.  
**

**Subconscious: Hey! Why do you always blame me for every thing?  
**

**Me: Because it's always your fault!  
**

**Subconscious: Says who:  
**

**Black Star: SAYS I, THE GREAT BLACK STAR!  
**

**Me: What the hell are you doing here!  
**

**Black Star: What? I get a say in your thoughts too you know.  
**

**Me and Subconscious: You do?  
**

**Black Star: Yes, now shut up. You're subtracting from my godliness.  
**

**Me: And that's a problem because...  
**

**Black Star: Just shut up already! I'm sure that the people are tired of hearing this by now.  
**

**Me: Most likely. Thank you for reading, and please review!  
**


End file.
